Hello Father, thank you for giving me another opportiunity to write. Today is personal for me, I am opening up a very vulnerable part of my life. I can’t hide it from You though, so why hide it from others. Maybe this medicine can help them too. I want this to be something that you can return to anytime you are dealing with aniexty. I pray that this will be something I can use for myself as well. God this is and always will be for Your glory.
Thursday, July 30, 2020, I had an anxiety attack. I had been feeling this dark cloud following me for a few days. With my chest hurting and my mind racing, I began to search for what was making me feel this way. While searching, I realized that this spirit was abstract. Abstract in the sense, that I had no idea why I was feeling this way. I had no idea what caused me to fall into this rut, but what was known is the pain, my inconsistency in breathing and that I had not prayed about it yet. Day 5 of feeling “off” and I had not even casted it to God yet. I was trying to handle it on my own. I was also trying to deny that I was feeling “off”, because it had been so long since my last attack.
The scary thing is I know that I am not the only one that does this.
How many of us face problems that we are so used to, that we have stopped praying for them when they pop up? We try to ignore or deny the things that are slowly self-destructing us. We do not realize that this is exactly what the enemy wants. The enemy wants us to own our deficiencies so that they can control us. The enemy wants it to control what we do, the way we live, and how we interact with others and even ourselves. But that is not what God desires for our lives to look like. There are a few things that he put on my spirit that I truly believe will be the deliverance from those things that give you anxiety. A few things that some of you may need (myself included). Let’s Talk About It:
The Anxiety Killer
“10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God” (Isaiah 40:10). Anxiety by definition is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Fear by definition is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Dismay by definition is consternation and distress, typically that caused by something unexpected. When you read these definitions they all going hand in hand. Fear and dismay cause anxiety. (Fear+Dismay=Anxiety… But God!) God does not want us to fear. Not because we are too strong, too good, too smart, too fine… NO! It is because He is with us and he is our God. We should not fear, because we are connected to Him. We should not be in dismay, because He is our God. Our faith in Him should be enough to comfort us. His Mercy and His Grace should be our foundation when dealing with things that seem out of our control. Yet right now many of you are thinking:
“That is easier said than done… You don’t get the things that I am dealing with!”
You are right I have no clue about what you are dealing with but He does. I have no clue why you are going through that, but He does. I have no idea, but what I do know is that if you believe in Him, He is with you! You are not dealing with things alone and you are not forced to figure things out on your own, but you have to to know that He is with you. To be fully transparent, no one knew what I was dealing with all of last week and I refused to let people in. Not realizing that in confessing my struggles and sins, there is a true freedom and healing. (James 5:16)
Fear and dismay, loneliness, even anxiety is all a consequence of our perspective. I am fearful of the things that I am dealing with and because of that I feel alone. I feel that God has left me to face these storms of life by myself. THE devil IS A LIAR!
Allow me to paint a picture: You and your friends are on a boat with Jesus. Everyone is having a great time, and then you notice a storm brewing. You look over at Jesus and He is knocked out asleep. You are on this boat, there is a storm right there, and Jesus is sleep. Since the storm was unexpected we are now in dismay. We know that this storm could be dangerous and we are also in this little boat, now fear begins to overtake our heart. Now that we are in fear and dismay, the thoughts of what could happen if we go through this storm begin to cloud our minds… hello anxiety! Yet, the one that we know can calm all storms, is right here sleeping. If he can sleep through the storm, then why are we so afraid? What I noticed about this story from Matthew 8:23-27, is that even when we are with Jesus, even when we can feel his presence over our life… WE STILL LET ANXIETY IN.
How many of us are living like that? We know God, we are aware of His presence in our life… yet we are still living in fear and with anxiety. (Check your faith and release your pride. Do not be afraid to go get help. Fix your heart and mind, stop trying to put band-aids on something that needs surgery.)
I believe that the next part of the verse could be the relief, the medicine, the killer of our anxiety. See with the faith in knowing God’s power, you start to realize why fear and dismay should not control you. (Your Perspective Changes) Let me be fully transparent, fear is neutral, dismay is neutral. Meaning if I see the storm and I am in the boat, naturally I may become fearful. Yet, if I know that Jesus is with me, then that fear should not control what I do next, but instead it should fall flat because of my faith.
In the remainder of the verse He goes on to say, “I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” This is what God wants to do for you, when you face something that brings you fear and dismay. He wants to strengthen you so that you can conquer any situation. Single parent, He will strengthen you; just fired from your job and your bills are due soon, He will help you; maybe you just had an anxiety attack recently, trust me He will uphold you. The comfort that this verse allowed me to have is that, even at my lowest moment I know that when I brought it to Him, my strength would be restored. I knew that when I invited Him into my situation, the medicine I needed was coming with it. I knew that because He is with me, I can overcome my anxiety.
One thing that I would suggest for those who are like me, when you first begin to feel “off”… PRAY. Do not wait until it builds up and you find yourself in the fetal position. Do not wait until you are sitting in a drive-thru line and struggling to breathe, because an abstract build up of anxiety. PRAY.
That is where I messed up. Before I came back to Christ, I had become so used to handling this feeling “on my own”. I was so used to depending on my own strength, but I was only making it harder. Trying to handle things on my own, did not make me stronger. It only made my anxiety worse, because I knew I never had true control. See it took knowing that He is there to make me feel comfortable. Now I know that He is on my boat sleeping, waiting to be awakened and listening to my faith being tested. When I reached out to Him last week, I know that He was proud because I changed my normal ways of dealing with my anxiety. But I can not help but think, if only I did it on day one instead of day five, it would not have led into an anxiety attack. It reminded me that God is there at all times, through the ups and downs… It might be wise if I let Him help me!
JUST REMEMBER: “10Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 … The Anxiety Killer)